


The First I Love Yous

by Bandshe



Series: Cullen Rutherford and Autumn Lavellan [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 10:12:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3377666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandshe/pseuds/Bandshe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen finds the Herald of Andraste in the snow after Haven falls. They share their feelings, but only one remembers the encounter</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First I Love Yous

She was freezing, she couldn’t feel her legs. Was she even walking anymore? She was so cold that she was burning up. She wanted to remove her clothes, the shift of temperature was taking a toll on her body. The wind stung her face, every drop of snow slicing at her face like a dagger. She wiped her face expecting there to be blood. Nothing, just pain. Her chest tightened. Every breath she took was a accompanied by sharp stabbing pain. She called for help, at least she thought she did. She was beginning to hallucinate. She heard people call out to her, but no one was around. For hours these hallucinations bombarded her.

Finally her body couldn’t continue. Her legs gave under her and she collapsed. She tried telling herself to wake up. “You’ll die here. You must go on. Go.” she said aloud, coaching herself, but it was too late. Autumn closes her eyes and gives up, her body sinking into the snow. The falling snow coated her, soon she was going to be buried in the snow and no one would know.

“She’s here!” a voice in the distance fills the air. Another hallucination she thought, soon everything went silent. She felt her body raise up, she figured she had died. She was too weak to open her eyes. She turned to her side and whoever it was that was carrying her brought her in closer. She muttered and snuggled up against the solid body.

“Stay with me Herald. I’ll help you.” the voice brought with it a warmth that she needed. “I’m here for you.”

“I know you.” she spoke softly. She’s struggling to remember whose voice she heard and whose arms she’s laying in, but it doesn’t register in her head. It didn’t matter as far as she knew, she was dead, or at least close to it.

Autumn involuntarily uttered, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Herald of Andraste.” a sad and familiar voice responded without skipping a beat.

Warmth surrounded her as if it was a mother hugging her child. Autumn opened her eyes. If this was the Fade, it was very unwelcoming. Walking past her tent were familiar faces. She thought to herself, _Maker, they all died with me. I failed, I couldn’t save anyone._ The panic overwhelmed her. She was drowning in her anxiety, struggling to breathe as she fought the tide. She looked around and saw Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine and Cullen. She had failed everyone, even those that she thought were strong enough to go on long after she was gone.

“No”, she said out loud. “Not them, they couldn’t have died. What did I do? Why couldn’t I save anyone?” She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Cullen looked over and they locked eyes. The world faded away around them. Everything was a blur, she was indignant, she let everyone die, but when she saw Cullen, she felt reinvigorated. She sat there regretting her decision to remain quiet about her feelings towards him. The way he’d make her day when he’d smile at her after she returned from her mission. It could’ve been just a simple meaningless smile, but it was Cullen’s meaningless smile. As far as she was concerned, he made the sun shine, the birds sing, and the flowers bloom. Cullen’s smile brought a sense of love and innocence that she wasn’t aware she needed. She mouthed his name, returning his smile. Everything felt so pure, untouched, true. Soon the others turned their heads and a sense of relief overcame everyone. They ran to her tent, but all she focused on was Cullen. _Shit, was he the one that carried me here? I said ‘I love you’ to him. Was the response I heard real?_ She started to panic again. Could he see it on her face? She felt her face burning with embarrassment, she wanted to runaway.

“Herald, you’re alive. We thought you were gone.” Josephine hugged her.

“Alive? You mean I’m not in the Fade, everyone here is alive? I saved them, saved you?”

“Yes, Herald.” Cullen responded stoically. Her eyes brightened, her heart lifted and the smile finally came out. A smile that everyone was hoping to see. Everyone overwhelmed her with the news that had come up while she recuperated. She was certain that Corypheus was waiting to attack her once more. She sensed him, she knew that we was aware of her survival. At this point she wasn't discounting anything about that creature.

“I’d tell you to rest, but you’ve had plenty.” Cassandra said in her own caring manner.

Everyone started filing out of her tent, Cullen being the last.

“Commander?” her voice faint.

“Yes Herald?” he turns to see she has her staring at him. Her smile warmed his heart and brightened up the tent.

“Come here.” she patted the side of her cot.

Cullen approached hoping she wasn’t going to mention what happened when he had found her. She was awake now; he didn’t know how much she remembered. He knew she never saw him, but she did hear him, or at least heard enough to know him. He found himself loving her after seeing her resolve to protect everyone despite her being seen as just a Dalish elf, and the Divine’s killer.

“Thank you for saving me” she grabbed his hand, intertwining her fingers with his, with the sudden realization that it was too forward of her. _What's done is done._ She said to herself.

“It’s my duty to serve and protect the Inquisition, the Herald of Andraste. You saved so many, it’s only fair that I save you.” He cleared his throat.

Josephine looked over seeing the two getting closer. She smiled. Love has strange timing.

Cullen didn’t know what to think, clearly it must be a side effect of the exposure. She leans over slowly and kisses his cheek. “I love you.” He looked down at her about to question her, and her feelings. Before could say anything she was already sleeping on his shoulder, their fingers still intertwined. He lays her back down on her cot. “I love you too.” He didn’t want to let go of her hand. That simple gesture made him feel whole. He wasn’t expecting to feel like that for someone so quickly. It wasn’t who he was. This sort of thing happens in stories. He sits there for a moment longer, moving her hair out of her face. He gently caresses her face, smiling at her as if she would be able to see it. He cared for her, but he didn’t know if she truly felt the same way. She said the words, but it could be a whole different love, it wasn’t up to him to translate the meaning, to dissect every word or action she made. She was safe now, protected by everyone around her. The person who saved so many lives, has been saved by the one person who can’t tell her how he feels, not openly, because he’s too scared. _Maker, I wish I could tell her how I truly feel, tell her when she's not in this state._

Josephine calls out to him in need of assistance. Cullen drops his shoulders with the weight of Josephine’s words.. _Not know, please not now._ He watched Autumn sleep a bit more before getting up. He bends over kissing her forehead.

“Thank you for making me love again, Herald of Andraste. Autumn.” he corrected.

With his head bowed looking only at the snow covered ground, he regretfully stands up, leaving her. He wants to run back in there and forget his responsibilities, to run away from everyone and just to be with her.

He sighs and heads back to the make shift war table in his tent. Josephine walks up to him, keeping up with him.

“She means it, Cullen. When she said ‘I love you’, she was honest. You might not think so, but I saw it in her eyes. She loves you.”


End file.
